lot of people don’t feel the need to identify their type of self esteem and improve on it. The self esteem of an individual is one part of an individual’s life that you can’t take away. It is one of the detriments of excellence. It has to do with your day to day activities as human. Your self esteem is what makes you either stand out, feel confident or intimidated. A lot of people often used the terms “self-confidence, self-worth, self-image, and self-regard to mean self esteem but these are totally different things. Self Esteem is how we perceive ourselves and value ourselves as individuals. The opinions and beliefs we hold towards ourselves, how much we appreciate ourselves and whether we like and feel comfortable with ourselves. This can sometimes be difficult to change and can also affect our mental health.
The self esteem of an individual is defined by certain factors which are:
i. self confidence
ii. Feeling of security
iii. Identity
iv. Sense of belonging
v. Feeling of competence.
The above enumerated are factors that defines our self esteem. The self esteem of an individual is not only shown during a competition although this is a ground where it is majorly shown, built and improved as we get to meet people with different types of self esteem. In our daily activities, schools, at home, in our friendships/relationships with our peers. Each and everyone of us have encounters whereby we’ve shown our different levels of self esteem which we sometimes have been intimidated or exuded self confidence.
Types of Self Esteem
There are three types or levels of self esteem and they include:
1. Low Self Esteem
2. Healthy Self Esteem
3. Inflated/Excessive Self Esteem
Low Self Esteem: People with low self-esteem tend to feel less sure of their abilities and may doubt their decision-making process. They may not feel motivated to try novel things because they don’t believe they're capable of reaching their goals. Those with low self-esteem may have issues with relationships and expressing their needs. They may also experience low levels of confidence and feel unlovable and unworthy.
Low self-esteem has the potential to lead to a variety of mental health disorders, including anxiety and depressive disorders. They may also find it difficult to pursue your goals and maintain healthy relationships. Having low self-esteem can seriously impact your quality of life and increases your risk for experiencing suicidal thoughts.
People with low self esteem, often feel this way:
You may believe that others are better than you.
* You may find expressing your needs difficult.
* You continuously focus on your weaknesses.
* You may frequently experience fear, self-doubt, and worry.
* You may have a negative outlook on life and feel a lack of control.
* You may have an intense fear of failure.
* You may have trouble accepting positive feedback.
* You may have trouble saying no and setting boundaries.
* You may struggle with confidence.
Healthy Self Esteem: also known as high self esteem is when you believe in yourself and is the most suitable for leadership. Having healthy self-esteem can help motivate you to reach your goals, because you are able to navigate life knowing that you are capable of accomplishing what you set your mind to. Additionally, when you have healthy self-esteem, you are able to set appropriate boundaries in relationships and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Having a healthy self esteem as a leader enables you function properly, connect with the audience and motivate them. You believe in yourself and make the followers believe in you and themselves.
People with High self Esteem believe in themselves and their abilities. Think positively and motivate themselves. They don’t see failure as a damage which could cause them to be mentally defeated. They easily connect with others and don’t give room for competitions and intimidations.
3. Excessive/Inflated Self Esteem: when something becomes too much it becomes bad. Excessive of everything is bad, excessive of high self esteem is bad. People with Excessive self esteem sees themselves bigger and better than others. They rarely want to learn or improve themselves because they believe they know it all and they tend to underestimate others. This kind of self esteem is unhealthy for an individual and even a leader because it makes you have unhealthy relationships with other people and negative energy towards others. An inflated self esteem makes one want to be ahead of other individuals and people with this kind of self esteem do not mind hurting the happiness of others to achieve their success.
IMPORTANCE OF SELF ESTEEM AS A LEADER
As a leader it is very vital to identify your level of self esteem and improve or maintain it. Self esteem is vey important because it affects and impacts our decision making process, relationships and mental being. The most suitable self esteem as a leader is The Healthy Self Esteem because this enables you connect with the followers and also build healthy relationships with the people around you. A healthy self esteem makes you believe in yourself. But when you fail to believe in yourself you can’t motivate and inspire others to do so because you can’t give out what you do not have. A healthy self esteem influences your thinking as a leader and the courage to speak for yourself and on behalf of others.
An example of an healthy self esteem and how it enabled me to lead effectively was when I was made the Senior Prefect in high school. It was my first time taking up the responsibilities of leadership, and I had lacked idea of how to connect with the people and carry out the daily tasks as expected and build a healthy relationship with each and everyone of the student. I had to allow my self esteem lead me as it made me build relationships with my classmates and the junior students. My high self esteem enhanced my level of thinking and made me think positively and allow me express myself and motivate others. Instead of seeing myself higher than the rest students and the position I held was a high one, I had to understand diversity and connected with each of them, this way I had a positive impact on the people and a better leadership.
Earlier we stated the factors that defined self esteem and this is a total different course. The factors that affects your self esteem, affects your way of thinking and decision making process. They are listed below:
1. Age- your age as an individual either allows you have a low, healthy or excessive self esteem. In some cases when people have low self esteem because of their age, they have many restrictions on their participation in activities and how they relate with others. Either being the youngest or the eldest in a group, it makes you feel intimidated and gives you the opinion that you do not belong.
2. Disability/Illness: this puts restrictions on so many things as an individual and can lead to the mental breakdown of an individual because you cannot function properly with others and you would not always be considered to be the same with people without disabilities. Take yourself for example, when you have a mental condition you see it restricts you from either going to school, hanging out with your friends and living your normal life. Your confidence is being lost and can sometimes results to you having mental disorders like depression.
3. Peer Group/Pressure: Peer pressure makes us as individuals do what we do not want to do to please our peers. Peer pressure influences us to have one of the three of the above discussed self esteem. Having a peer group that influences you think healthily, express yourself and motivate you allows you to have a healthy self esteem but hanging around people who makes you see yourself above others, or intimidated by others and not wanting the need to improve on yourself makes you have a low self esteem or excessive self esteem. It is said evil communication corrupts good manners.
4. Thought Patterns: the way you think of yourself affects your self esteem. If you think positively about yourself, about a business, your career and even your confidence, it makes you have a healthy self esteem and relate well with others as it makes you give out positive energy to the people you get to be with and vice versa.
5. Reaction of others: We see that when we have a competition or start up our businesses or even have ideas and we share it with others, their reactions toward us and that thing determine our self esteem. It either motivates us or gives the feeling we’re not good enough to try again. One day, the first time I had my live session on Instagram to discuss on my first article “Women should be allowed to speak and stand up for themselves instead of being silenced” I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind. The thoughts of would I do better, would I even have a large audience to listen to message and many more. I studied and waited for the following day to go live. It was successfully and I had to covey my messages to the people present, although I didn’t have a large number of attendees. My coaches and I had a discussion of how the live session had went and their encouragement motivated me to continue. I believed in myself thereafter which also boasted my self esteem and confidence and now I host my live sessions weekly discussing various topics with different guest speakers. If I had gotten a poor reaction from my coaches and the attendees, it would have given me the spirit of fear and made me have a low self esteem. As individuals we’ve had various experiences. Another, was when I had my pageant in school.
From the opening session also called the introduction of the contestants, I had a huge number of fans and cheers from the public the moment I stepped on stage, this made me feel overjoyed and gave me a healthy self esteem to continue the rest of the activities of the pageant which I emerged winner.
6. Failure: People with low self esteem are embarrassed when they fail. They find themselves saying “sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” That’s not how people with healthy self esteem feels and think. Failure can affect your self esteem and makes you emotionally stuck and mentally defeated and makes us have low self esteem. People with low self esteem are never willing to try again when they fail because they get intimidated and feel they’d fail again so what’s the essence of trying? People with healthy self esteem give rooms for failure because they understand failure is a part that can’t be avoided. It makes them grow bigger and better and stronger than who they were. I grew, I learnt, I got impacted, and became a better version of me after I failed my first pageant in 2019. I understood you don’t become a failure when you fail but when you give up. And I realized that sometimes you lose, sometimes you learn.
HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF ESTEEM
You’re not a failure because you failed but a failure when you give up. Failure is not a stigma but means “First Attempt in Learning”
1. Be kind to yourself. Speak positive words to yourself, affirm daily( you can start your day by affirming to yourself). Be nice to yourself and to others.
2. Do you: There’s no one like you and that’s your greatest power and what makes you different. Being you is what makes you unique so you do more of you Instead of trying to imitate someone else’s lifestyle. You are you and that is truer than true. No one alive is you-er than you.
3. Understand no one is perfect. Always Strive to be your best but accept perfection is an unrealistic goal.
4. Surround yourself with positive and encouraging people
5. Give room for failure and second trials.
6. Celebrate your smallest wins. This way it enables you see ahead for the bigger wins.
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