In empowering women and pushing them to embrace leadership, one cannot drift away from the issues are faced with, which one of it is “Domestic Violence” as discuss in our previous article “why women should be allowed to speak up and stand up for themselves instead of being silenced”. Today’s discussion is on:
(i) Domestic Violence (it’s meaning and forms)
(ii) Domestic Violence in Nigeria
(iii) Child Abuse (meaning and forms)
(v) Signs of Abusive relationship and partners
(vi) how domestic violence and child abuse affects leadership
(vii) ways to eradicate Domestic violence and child abuse
Domestic Violence: Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, region, age, sexual orientation, religion and gender. It can happen to couples living together, dating or married as it defines as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It’s also called Domestic Abuse or intimate partner violence.
An estimate by WHO indicates that globally about 1-3 worldwide have been subjected to either physical and or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. As earlier stated, Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any age and gender but in this discussion we’re focused on females because of our topic which states “kick against domestic violence and child abuse for effective women leadership”. Almost one third of women aged 15-49 years ago have been in a relationship have been subjected to some form of domestic violence. Domestic violence also means the misuse of power by one adult in a relationship to control another. It is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through violence and other forms of Abuse.
The forms of domestic violence includes:
1. Physical Abuse which has to do with beating, maiming, engaging in fights, the use of hard objects on one another e.g iron, belt, stick, chairs, etc.
2. Sexual Abuse: this practically involves sex but with the disagreement of the partner, otherwise known as rape. Sex has to do with the agreement of both partners or persons involved whether In a relationship or not. Domestic violence takes form in sexual abuse when the person involved either disagree or when arguments stir up and even physical abuse can lead to this. We’ve heard different cases of people being raped whether in a relationship or not and In situations whereby an abusive partner goes a partner’s sexual wish or use this means to get back at their partner.
3. Financial/Economic Abuse: as it implies, it has to do with the restriction of earning money or control of your finance. This form of abuse is unknown to so many people as they see it to be very common and normal but the motive of their partner is to control and make them dependent on them financially.
4. Emotional Abuse: this includes the emotional aspect of the victim, either being blackmailed emotionally either staying without and not quitting the relationship or making them to feel they’re responsible for the wrongs they make.
Every individual can face all forms of domestic abuse. Domestic violence doesn’t just affect the individuals physically, but mentally and psychologically and also plays a part in affecting their chances on leadership.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN NIGERIA
Domestic violence is an age old phenomenon. Women were always considered weak and vulnerable and in a position to be exploited. It is prominent in Nigeria as it is in many parts of Africa, but it is how it’s handled in Nigeria that sets us apart. Domestic violence is gradually becoming something normal and common in Nigeria as there are cases of domestic abuse everyday or at least thrice a week. Women are mainly the victims while the men are the perpetrators.
The global pandemic would have been a course to unify and promote peace between partners who live together as there was lockdown and shutdowns of businesses and schools, bringing everyone to stay indoors. Rather this increased the rates of Domestic abuse and child abuse.
On the 27th of February 2021, The Guardian Newspaper reported that cases of Domestic violence is on the high, especially the physical aspect of it. At least once a week, there was a case of a man beating, maiming or even killed his wife. According to National Demographic and Health Survey in 2018, over a quarter of the population of all women in Nigeria have experienced domestic violence. The recent case of Lekan Shonde, the man who allegedly killed his wife and that of Oyelowo Oyediran Ajanaku who killed a 38 year old in Ibadan. There are numerous cases we can’t enumerate but we see them on social media. This also happens with Nigerians Abroad like the case of the former Benue state Governor, Gabriel Suswan who his wife Yemisi reported a case of domestic violence where he was arrested by the Metropolitan police.
The way Domestic Violence is treated in Nigeria is deplorable and disgraceful and it is high time there is a review and a robust public education aimed at households, universities, workplaces, communities and through to the government.
CHILD ABUSE
This is a mistreatment or neglect that causes harm to a child. It occurs to children from age 18 and below. It happens in different forms such as the physical, emotional, and sexual.
Physical Abuse: the physical form or abuse of child abuse includes burning of the skin of the child, poisoning, forcing a child to exercise as punishment, withholding sleep, food or medication, excessive slapping, hitting or throwing the child. Most of these things happen over minor issues either at home, school, neighborhood, etc by guardians/wards, teachers or parents.
Emotional Abuse: mocking a child, threatening, bullying, using emotional blackmail and not allowing the child to express views or opinions, withholding words of affirmation or love.
Sexual Abuse: rape, exposing yourself to a child, grooming a child for future sexual contact, forcing or inviting a child to undress, telling dirty or inappropriate jokes or stories.
The various acts under the different forms affects the victims not just physically, emotionally but psychologically and also mentally which also affects their leadership opportunities.
SIGNS OF ABUSIVE PARTNERS/RELATIONSHIPS
A relationship is suppose to be a ground where you learn, grow as an individual and build yourself and also your partner. It should be a place where your opinions are welcomed and you’re allowed to express yourself and make decisions. A relationship is also a place where leadership roles can be carried out. An unhealthy relationship does not allows the proper function of an individual.
As Ene states in the program Uncensored with Ene that a man is mostly toxic towards women, this explains that toxicity in a relationship can lead to an abusive relationship. Below are the signs of an abusive relationship/partner:
1. Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse hurtful things or abuse you.
2. Blames you for how they feel or act
3. Make you feel there’s no way out of the relationship
4. Withholds you from meeting friends, families and even your loved ones. Their permission matters for you to go out or not
5. Monitors your financial means, stops you from carrying out your desired businesses and makes you dependent on them financially.
6. Accuses you of always cheating, whether you did it or not.
7. Puts down your accomplishments
8. Make you feel like you’re unable to make decisions
9. Threatens to destroy the things you love or care about.
10. Calls you several times a night or shows up to ensure you’re where you said you’d be.
As individuals we’ve experienced lots of these and many more in our relationships and sometimes we see it being very normal and describe it to be who they are, and give trials for change but one thing we fail to understand is that change begins with us as individuals, if we can’t change something in us, it is often difficult for someone else to change it. Walking away from something unhealthy is bravery, though it might hurt but in the future you’d be grateful you took that step. If you’re in a relationship which appears to be unhealthy, it’s advisable you walk away to avoid being a victim of death or saying had I known.
HOW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILD ABUSE AFFECTS LEADERSHIP
1. Decision making: victims who have been affected might not tend to think positively which decision making is one of the attributes of leadership. Domestic violence affects the victims psychologically.
2. Silence: the voice is one of the greatest asses anyone can have and like I always say your voice, your power. Been able to use your voice is very vital as a female.
Been a leader, you have roles of speaking, not just for yourself but for the individuals you lead and direct. Victims of domestic violence and child abuse are compelled to be silent as they’re not allowed to express themselves, their thoughts, and point of views, thus making them live in their shells. When your home as a parent or relationship is made restricted from speaking up, whether in reporting cases of abuse, you trigger the child to staying shut. In some cases, parents even scold their children who have been harassed sexually at the early period of it for speaking and claiming they’re false and seeing physical form of abuse as means of corrections.
3. Feeling of Apathy: individuals who have been victims of domestic violence and child abuse are not just been silenced but most of them end up lacking the interest of mingling with people, creating bonds and mostly not feeling this need for leadership.
I am proud of how far I’ve come and being able to speak up and stand up not just for myself but for every woman as an advocate for Women Empowerment and Leadership. I was someone who had difficulties speaking up to people in voicing out my opinions and issues I was faced with due to my experiences from childhood and child abuse, it made me feel there was no need to take up leadership responsibilities. A lot of children and women have these thoughts and even when the opportunity of leadership is thrown at them, they shy from it.
4. Fear: victims will always encounter fear due to their past experiences and they feel they would never do anything rightly. A leader is meant to be brave and bold.
Ways it could be eradicated?
1. Raise awareness on domestic violence and child abuse.
2. Every individuals should take actions.
3. Families should make their home comfortable for children to express themselves, fight against domestic violence rather than considering that their image would be tarnished if their daughters are divorced from an abusive relationship and also quit child abuse which also affects the self esteem of an individual.
4. Make the society a health place for women to voice out whenever they have encounters of abuse.
5. Fight against child marriage.
6. Government should create bodies which fight against domestic violence and child abuse and defaulters should be penalized.
7. Provide support for organizations which function on this course and laws for those who defaults it.
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